i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
