you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You have to summon your inner elephant
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
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