whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
