It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
