she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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