I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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