I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
