How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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