I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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