found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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