You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
