I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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