i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
