ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Loading more great texts...