She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
