4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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