He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
