I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Terrible idea I love it
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
