yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
