oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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