It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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