I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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