GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
