What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
