Kiss
Puke
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
