I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
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