I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
