would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
