just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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