Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
