Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
