she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
