drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My life is pants optional.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
