I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
