I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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