There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
