Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
