I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
