I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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