This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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