All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
