I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
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