i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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