please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
