Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
