so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
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I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
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You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
this is an emotional support booty call
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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