i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
