Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
