I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
