i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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