So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
