Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
