can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
