What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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