If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
