She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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