he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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