What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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