ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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