i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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