Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
