i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You were trust falling into bushes
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
