kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
