so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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