Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
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