You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Randomize
