I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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