Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
