I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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