Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Randomize
