just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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