not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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