It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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