About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
