It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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