maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
