the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
