Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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