Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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