Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
