If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
honey bunches of taint.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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