I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
