A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
