the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
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Im just a social blackout drinker.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
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You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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