And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
