Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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